


In the Name of Love

by larrystylinson891



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - High School, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bottom Louis, Depression, Dom Harry, Jealousy, Light BDSM, M/M, Older Harry, Older Liam, Older Zayn, Self-Conscious Louis, Sub Louis, Top Harry, Trigger Warnings, Younger Louis, Younger Niall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9063334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrystylinson891/pseuds/larrystylinson891
Summary: Love. Such a peculiar word; so many different meanings, so many different actions to show. The word that nobody can really understand until it starts to bloom in their heart, until it takes over their every being. Then when it’s ripped away from them and they have to find something to fill the immediate hole it makes. Love; it’s hard to understand, Louis didn’t understand why it was harder to love yourself than another person. Louis loved his friends and family, but he absolutely despised himself. He hated that he was different from everyone else. Nobody knew this about him though, he presented himself to everybody as a strong independent and confident person, but deep down inside he was scared that someone would look in him deep and figure out that he’s just a scared insecure 16 year old boy with major depression and a terrible eating disorder.





	

“How are you doing today, Louis?” Sarah, his therapist of many years asked. Today was Thursday, a normal therapy session that was scheduled every week. Louis hadn’t shared with anyone that he saw a therapist, Louis didn’t really share anything with anybody. Maybe it was the fear of being judged or maybe Louis just couldn’t admit his own problems to himself, he had never talked about his eating disorder or depression out loud with anyone. Not even his therapist, but Louis knew she was smarter than she looked and she knew everything by just looking at the small 16 year old boy.  
“Well Sarah, it’s a very sunny day outside. Because of that most people are probably in a joyous mood. When people are surrounded by things that are positive, they are usually very happy. That sadly though, does not apply to me even in the slightest. To answer simply Sarah, it’s like there is a thunderstorm going on inside my head every damn day but mine don’t end with a nice rainbow and sunshine peeking out. No, mine end with a hurricane, a tornado, or maybe even a tsunami.” Louis picked at his nails as soon as he finished speaking, not having enough courage to look up at the lady in front of him.  
Sarah shifted in her seat and closed the boy’s file. “Louis, I’ve been seeing you for 3 years, and at every damn appointment that answer is different. They’ve never once been the same, and today you were finally honest with how you’re feeling. After 3 long years, you finally opened yourself up slightly to tell me what your thoughts inside your head feel like. I want to thank you for that. And I have a suggestion for next time we meet.”  
Louis looked at the blue watch sitting on his wrist. “We still have 30 more minutes Sarah.”  
“I know Louis, but today I want to end early. I want to do that because I would like you to go home and spend some time with friends or family, and I want you to tell someone you believe is trustworthy enough.” Sarah watched as the small boy shifted in his seat, gulping down his saliva very loudly.  
“D-do you really think that’s a good idea?” Louis begged in his eyes for her to say no.  
“Louis, I’m your therapist. I’ve known you for the last three years, and for once in my life I’m going to push you to do something out of your comfort zone. I think you’re ready, now I need you to believe you are ready too.” She gave him a small smile before standing up and moving to her door to open it for Louis.  
Louis stood up as well and made his way to the door, giving Sarah a small nod before retreating to the front of the building. Louis didn’t mind all the strangers he passed by, he knew that he would never see them again. In a weird way that comforted him, knowing that all of the people he passed by on the street will never think about him again, they won’t remember him, they will never see him again. Louis got onto the city bus, sitting next to blonde haired women he didn’t speak to the entire way home. When he got off at his stop he noticed his older brother across the street with some boys he had never seen before.  
“Hey, Lou. Come here!” Zayn, his older brother yelled after him when he started to make his way to their small house down the street.  
Louis made his way across the street, immediately pulled into a hug by Zayn. “Hi Z.”  
“How was the library?” Zayn asked, resting his arm over the smaller boys shoulder.  
Louis blushed when Zayn asked, that was the excuse Louis had always told Zayn when he went to his therapy session. “Yeah, it was good.” And if the curly haired boy in front of the small boy didn’t believe the answer he replied with and most definitely noticed the blush, Louis didn’t notice.  
“Well Lou, this is Harry and Liam.” Zayn pointed each boy out to align them with their name. Louis looked at Liam first. He looked really innocent, not somebody that would hang out with Zayn. Not that Zayn was a bad guy or anything, he just was known to smoke weed and maybe even sell it, and had an entire body covered in black clothing, piercings, and tattoo’s that Louis quite enjoyed. Louis looked at Harry next, that was more like it he thought. He was wearing brown rounded glasses, that almost hid his beautiful green eyes that Louis couldn’t help getting lost in. His hair was long brown and curly and was being pulled back with a dark grey beanie. He was a lot taller than the other two boys and Louis tried not to imagine being enveloped in his arms.  
“This is the part where you tell me your name love.” The boy named Harry spoke. He smiled after this, two deep dimples appearing on either side of his mouth.  
“Louis, my name is Louis.” Louis replied confidently, even though he didn’t feel that way in the slightest.  
“That’s cute.” Liam replied this time.  
Louis smiled at both boys, but clearly got a little redder when looking at the boy with curly. Zayn coughed a little trying to get the attention back to himself. “Anyways, if you’re both done flirting with my small younger brother, we were going to head back to the house to get ready for the party?” Zayn asked, making sure that was still the plan.  
“Yeah, well I’m ready when you are.” Liam said.  
Zayn nodded and started leading the boys down the road to their small blue house, located on the far corner of the street. Louis walked along side Harry, keeping the necessary distance the older boy obviously didn’t understand because Louis kept having to keep the distance. “Where did you really go?” The older finally asked.  
“W-what?” Louis asked very confused.  
“You didn’t go to the library, that part is very obvious. So, where were you really?” Louis was a little taken back, nobody had really not believed him when he told them the library lie.  
“I was at the library. Why don’t you believe me?” Louis asked, a little sass in his voice.  
“Don’t get offended love. I’m not blind, I saw that cute little blush and the uncertainty in your voice when you responded.” Harry shrugged.  
Before Louis could think of an answer they were walking into the small blue house. Instead of keeping the conversation with Harry, Louis practically dashed to his room. Louis closed his door behind him and sat down in front of it. He pulled his legs to his chest, trying to keep his breathing normal. He kept repeating Sarah’s words to him, ‘I think you’re ready, now I need you to believe you are ready too.’ Louis didn’t believe he was ready, Louis couldn’t even admit it to himself, how could he admit it to someone else? How could he trust someone else enough to believe that they won’t judge him or they won’t feel sorry for him and try to figure him out? He didn’t want someone to try to figure him out, he couldn’t figure himself out. He was just a scared 16 year old that couldn’t love himself. How could someone else love him?  
There was a quiet knock at his door, no voice behind it or another knock to make sure the other knock was received and heard. Louis stood up and opened the door, the older brown haired boy from earlier looking down at him. Louis didn’t realize how close they really were until Harry’s soft voice reached his ears. “Do you want something to eat while Zayn goes to get food?”  
“I went to go see a therapist. I’m really depressed and I have a fucking eating disorder because I hate how I look and I hate myself.” Louis didn’t think before he opened his mouth, but when he finished speaking he didn’t regret telling Harry. To Louis, Harry was a stranger and he was never going to see him again. Right?  
“I’m sorry to hear that. I know I don’t know you but I’m really sorry to hear that.” Harry sighed.  
“You’re right, you don’t know me. Please don’t try to get to know me because you’re not going to like the person you find.” Louis pleaded before closing his door.  
Louis can faintly remember hearing all the boys leave the house, and he swore to himself that was the last time he was ever going to see Harry.


End file.
